How creativity transformed my life
A story from Tess
"The person I am today is not the person I was ten years ago. I’ve never considered myself creative or inventive; I never thought I would have any involvement with the arts. But a series of coincidences, sparked by something horrible, meant I ended up doing many things which I would have previously thought impossible.
Ten years ago, I was on long-term sick leave from my admin job due to my mental health. I lost that job and isolated myself completely for many months – not speaking to a soul. I tried to end my life twice and became homeless too. Somewhere between the survived suicide attempts and homelessness, I was referred to a service who became a partner of Appetite, the Creative People and Places programme in Stoke.
Appetite: where everything changed for Tess
Through Appetite I got to attend various performances, was invited to their Supper Club and became an event volunteer. I got to shadow their Creative Producer for a year which opened a world of possibilities and taught me a great deal about myself. I found a voice, and new confidence, and I realised that staff in arts spaces won’t escort me to the door when they hear my accent or laugh when I expressed an opinion. I met people who saw positive qualities and potential in me when I thought I was worth less than the value of the ‘benefits’ I was receiving.
Shadowing grew into writing a brief for something I could help to create. I decided what type of show I wanted (something immersive), where (a disused building), and I was part of the creation. That process made me want more, and Appetite supported me to apply for funding from the Arts Council for research and development of a new creation. First try was unsuccessful and on the second attempt I put more of my story into the application. Initially hesitant, I later came to view this as being something quite powerful. My story could create change. This time I was successful. A concept for a new immersive performance was developed.
A new found confidence
My new confidence led to peer mentoring and learning how lived experience can influence decision makers. I spoke at a conference, when previously I couldn’t speak around a table. I was invited by a project in Manchester to co-chair a mental health and homelessness action group. I led on a piece of research for them and ended up applying for a job there, which I got. This service supported people with a combination of mental ill-health, addiction, homelessness and experience of criminal justice. The job was co-ordinating the involvement of people to use their stories to bring about system change. It was a dilemma – taking the job or pursue the arts project. Ultimately the decision I made came down to a fear of becoming homeless once more – ultimately, I needed to know, as much as anyone ever can, that I had a wage coming in.
In this new job, I took people to arts spaces, museums and arranged trips to plays. I got involved in the art therapy group and looked for opportunities for people to experience the huge benefits I’d got from Appetite. I wanted to share how art and performance is for everyone, regardless of how they look, how they talk, their income or the countless other things we are all judged on. Most experiences were really positive (though there was at least one venue a little more stuck in the past than ideal). Some of my best memories, and successes were when I tried to mix what I had learned at Appetite in with my new role.
Now I work for a different homeless charity, this time focussing on community reporting and citizen journalism.
A new chapter
Nine years on and the only thing that remains in my life from then to now is Appetite. I never stopped volunteering for them throughout all the twists my life has taken; I hope that will remain for as long as they’ll have me! I feel a huge debt to everyone who has worked for, and volunteered with, Appetite. For their belief in me and their persistent encouragement despite my frequent tantrums and tears.
When I went to Appetite’s launch, I was almost always frightened and could barely make eye contact with anyone. I had no sense of who I was or what I was alive for, wasn’t sure what I liked or disliked, couldn’t speak without being spoken to first, and was about to become homeless. Now I’m strong, I live in a great place near Manchester, I have opinions about (almost) everything, I speak at conferences. I support volunteers with similar experiences to my own, who need someone to believe in them and give persistent encouragement despite the challenges they face.
Thank you, Appetite."
© Andrew Billington photography
© Andrew Billington photography
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